yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
