If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
