Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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