It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
