She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
