Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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