Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I look better un-naked...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
