New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
