Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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