I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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