just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
