I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
