I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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