I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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