started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
