somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
