From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
