I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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