I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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