Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
