just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
