i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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