was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
