Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
