It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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