I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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