Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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