bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
