what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
