Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
