my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
