doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
