So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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