he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Boobs are out for the taking
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
