mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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