I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The power of my boobs compel you
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
