I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
