Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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