Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
