I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
