She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
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I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
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He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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