and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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