Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
