Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
