You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
