My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
