I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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