I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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