Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
