I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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