So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
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My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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