and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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