I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
