Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i wish my penis had a tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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