I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize