WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
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Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You ate ashes out of my bong
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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