This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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