Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
