Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
