I bet he comes in French.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No subtext here. People are naked.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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