fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
