textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
