Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
