i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
