Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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