good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
