im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
