Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
