She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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