I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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