Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
