I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
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and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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